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From the grey numbness of Abilify to the hyper focus of dexidrine and everything in-between.

on July 22nd, 2013 by alive

The rollercoaster of psychiatric medications From the grey numbness of Abilify to the hyper focus of dexidrine and everything in-between. Over the years, I’ve experienced the full gamut of psychiatric medications. I’ve taken them for over 26 years. The worse drug for me was Abilify. It slowly took over my life like an insidious cancer. […]

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Arvo Par and existential freedom

on July 14th, 2013 by alive

Peter, how are you doing? I wish I could actually hear you say those words to me irl. I have heard you say them so many times in the past that sometimes when I write them in my journal it’s like you are here in the room with me. It’s very comforting. You have always […]

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she won’t forsake me…I’m loving angels instead

on July 13th, 2013 by alive

Peter, Angel song by a disco singer in Europe during the 70s: “Wherever it may take me I know that life won’t break me. When I come to call she won’t forsake me…I’m loving angels instead.” Angels float they don’t stomp down your hallway or trample your bushes. Angels watch over you, they don’t glare […]

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Moth and fire poem by me.

on July 12th, 2013 by alive

Carter   From the fire We learn direction and perseverance   So many moths are tossed about by the wind Whimsically fluttering into window panes Here and there Aimless and confused Eventually drawn into the flame   Pull the flame down into your stomach Embrace the heat and learn from it Find direction and stability […]

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Letter about moments in the sun and suicide

on July 11th, 2013 by alive

Peter, A song by Emerson Drive—the lyrics, “I have not always been this way. I’ve had my moments. Days in the sun. Moments I was second to none. Moments when I knew I did what I thought I could not do…looking at me now you might not know it but I’ve had my moments…” I’ve […]

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Letter to previous existential psychiatrist

on July 10th, 2013 by alive

Peter, I know when the pt/pdoc relationship ends I’m suppose to move on but I don’t have anyone to move on to. My last 2 pdocs seem scared I might actually say something. After a 20 minute intake with my current pdoc he took me off my haldol. Within a few months I was bonkers […]

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New Blog

on September 5th, 2011 by alive

I pulled down my last blog because I felt like I had worked through the issues. My last blog detailed my violent, abusive childhood and young adult years. Now, its time for a new blog. I’m a 40 year old woman. My main issues are schizoaffective disorder, anxiety, depression, ADD and PTSD. This blog is […]

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