…although I have been successful in life, I feel like an imposter–like somebody is going to discover who I really am and then I will have to go back to where I came from. It’s like there is my old world and then this new world that I am in…the old world is alcoholic, violent, […]
The abuse that I suffered at home made me painfully shy and terrified of the teachers. Every adult in my life had hurt me and I expected no less from the teachers. Because I was so scared to talk, they assumed I could not read and placed me in the “turtle” reading group. I will […]
Well tomorrow I defend my masters. Wow, it’s been a long road getting here—4 years of schooling for my masters degree. I have been working full time and going to school, so school feels like it has taken forever. The good thing is I will have no school loans from my masters. I still owe […]
I am frustrated. I am doing everything I am suppose to be doing—therapy, support group, journaling, taking my meds like it is a religion, getting outside of myself and helping others …is there something I am missing? I am trying so hard, but it does not seem to help. I have determined my actions have […]
I take numerous medications—an antipsychotic, antidepressant, mood stabilizer, antabuse and an amphetamine. Just being on so many meds bothers me. Requiring so many meds makes me feel crazy. Being on an antipsychotic especially bothers me. It is approved for schizophrenics and people who are bipolar. My pdoc keeps reminding me that it is used off […]
After my third trip to detox I stayed sober for a few weeks—a few miserable weeks. I really wanted my problems to get better and I knew alcohol was the problem, but I just was not able to dedicate myself to not drinking—being sober was horrible—I hated every minute of it I continued to hold […]
Although I am an accomplished person, I have a steady feeling of unworthiness. I feel like an imposter. That people are going to find out who I really am and then they will laugh and reject me. Everybody will hate me as much as I hate myself. I mentally know that I am a good […]
I am sure if I had a child I would step up to the plate and make a great mother, but deciding not to have a child was the right choice for me. My severe abuse led me down a road of depression, anxiety, PTSD and alcohol/drug use. There has not been a period of […]
Believe it or not, I have found Kung Fu and kickboxing to be a good part of my therapy process. A few years back I was consumed by fear, anger and I was stuck in the role of victim. Old feelings kept me shackled to the past. Although I still have issues with feelings, I […]
I have just come out of a major depression that lasted over 2 years. In that time I often isolated myself in my house—the only time I left was to go to work. I slept as many hours as I could—sometimes 16 hours a day. Everything seemed like it took too much effort to do. […]