The Journey of a Survivor

I have just come out of a major depression that lasted over 2 years. In that time I often isolated myself in my house—the only time I left was to go to work. I slept as many hours as I could—sometimes 16 hours a day. Everything seemed like it took too much effort to do. I did not do the dishes, vacuum, laundry, pick anything up…I just dropped things all over the house—it turned into a real pit. It was so bad I felt completely overwhelmed and did not know where to start cleaning, so I just let things continue to pile up.

My boyfriend did not like to see the mess, so he hired a person to come clean for a day—it helped, but really only made a dent. Luckily, my friend from another state offered to come help me get my house and yard in order. He knew I was completely overwhelmed. He and I have been working on the house and yard for 4 days. Finally, it is starting to look like a house not a pig pen. Matter of fact, it looks good enough that I wish somebody would come over to see it. The problem is I have isolated myself for such a long time that I don’t really have any friends who would come over.

The best thing about this is that I have a friend who cares enough to come help me do a dirty nasty job. He really has just dug in and never complained about the work. I was embarrassed to let him see my house, but he never said anything bad—no sarcastic comments or anything that would hurt my feelings. So, today I am counting my blessing for having such a great friend.

Now, the goal is to keep things picked up and not let it get so bad. Hopefully I can stay motivated enough to want to have a clean house. I really do deserve a descent place to live—I should not live like an animal. Part of it has to do with having enough self respect to take care of myself and my things.  My boyfriend use to say it looked like a “depressed person lived here.” He was right, but now that I am feeling better I hope that all changes. Today, I feel lucky—I have a real good friend, my house is in order, my depression has lifted and I am sober. This are looking up for me.