The Journey of a Survivor

After my third trip to detox I stayed sober for a few weeks—a few miserable weeks. I really wanted my problems to get better and I knew alcohol was the problem, but I just was not able to dedicate myself to not drinking—being sober was horrible—I hated every minute of it I continued to hold onto the drinking because I was more miserable sober than I was drinking. I drank for about a year and that was the most wretched time of my drinking. I knew I was an alcoholic and I knew I was out of control. I became severely suicidal and depressed. Finally, the misery of being sober became less than the misery of drinking.

When I walked into the detox unit for the 4^th time I had a whole new attitude. I, for the first time in my life, truly accepted that I was an alcoholic and I was willing to do whatever it took to get sober. I did not want to drink. I admit the first few months of not drinking was tough, but I had a new determination to stay sober. I felt like if I drank again I would die—I still feel that way. As my sobriety has progressed I have come to believe that me being an alcoholic and drug addict is not a character flaw—there is nothing wrong with me that needs to be fixed. Today, I am okay with being an alcoholic/addict. It is just part of who I am.