The Journey of a Survivor

…although I have been successful in life, I feel like an imposter–like somebody is going to discover who I really am and then I will have to go back to where I came from. It’s like there is my old world and then this new world that I am in…the old world is alcoholic, violent, white trailer trash. The new world is the professional, educated, peaceful, employed world. In many ways I don’t yet feel like I fit in the new world and I sure don’t feel comfortable in the old world. Its like I am in limbo in-between the worlds. I feel a little insecure and uncomfortable with my place in life. I continuously deny my accomplishments and have abandonment issues. Like I have not allowed myself to accept or feel good about getting my graduate degree–I feel like somebody is going to take it away from me. I often feel like my pdoc and T are going to stop seeing me–that they will soon discover that I am not worth their time–they are part of the new world. I think sometimes I sabotage myself because I don’t believe I deserve to be successful. I really feel like I have made it through most of my issues in therapy–all of them except this one–this is the one that is holding me back–keeping me from being happy. Well, and my clinical depression but I think that is chemical. No amount of therapy will make that go away.