The Journey of a Survivor

Dr. Z., In addition to the meds I have been trying to do everything I can to stop the depression. I have been throwing myself into my volunteer work. Trying to keep myself looking to others instead of dwelling on my problems and the depression. Working hard in therapy and with my journaling. Trying to take time for myself to do things such as paint. Paying close attention to my sleep cycle and eating. Taking my meds like it is a religion. Setting small goals and trying to reach them…household and work. Imagery before I go to sleep at night. Reading about recovery, depression, ADD…I have even modified the 12 steps and have been working them for depression. I took out the god part out, switched out alcohol for depression and modified them a little. They are still the steps, although they look a lot different. So far, I have made it to step 3. I am not sure if I will follow through with the rest of them or not. I am the poster girl for recovery.

If nothing else I have stopped the depression from getting worse—that in itself is a miracle. Maybe a slight improvement—enough that I am motivated to do the things I need to do to fight the depression but not enough to completely get rid of it. As long as I am able to keep working to recover, I don’t want to increase any of my meds. Can we just leave them the way they are and let me try to work my way out of this? I am trying real hard and I’d like to be able to do this on my own. I am feeling like I want to quit all the meds, but I know they help me. I think the med combo we have right now is keeping me above water just enough that I am motivated to keep working at this. Lets just let things ride for awhile.